Journal // 5th August 2024

Aug 5

On this day I… Two Ears, One Mouth

I think it was Seneca who said;

“We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we speak.“

This, frankly, has been one of the hardest Stoic ideologies to stick to. Sometimes, while working the whisky bar I can’t help but interject and correct someone on a piece of knowledge. It’s a dumb-fuckery thing to do I know but sometimes I can’t help myself. I am working on it.

We, as human people, like to fill spaces, with things, like buying a shelf unit you don’t need to fill a space on a wall and then have nothing of value to adorn it, so you buy lots of trinkets and ornaments that have no meaning. Just Tat.

Then the void of silence, we humans can’t help ourselves, we have to fill it with noise, gawd forbid silence to endure.

Take this from Robert Greene;

“The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.“

I fall into this trap often. Far too often.

I’m working on it.

People talk out of nerves or anxiety, to relieve stress and tension. And if you’re willing to listen you can let them vent, which we all need to do sometimes. If you have nothing to add, to help their situation, then say nothing. Even when they go silent. Let them think. Your silence will spar them to continue.

If you feel the need to interrupt a conversation, don’t! Saying something foolish isn’t as bad as derailing someone else’s conversation because you want to play along. Just give a queue that you have something to add then wait.

If someone is speaking, don’t talk over them. I had this on Thursday night. I was asked a question by a guest at the bar and while I was giving my answer, another guest just started talking about something unrelated and wouldn’t stop. I tried to continue but he just spoke a little louder. He wanted to be heard.

This continued until I had to tell him to shut up;

“Mate! I can’t listen to two different conversations at the same time.“

He went silent for a bit. I got the feeling he was insecure and just wanted to be heard. Maybe elsewhere no one listens to him. Can’t imagine why.

Not every silence needs filling, sometimes let the silence persist because in London there isn’t that much to go around. In those rare quiet moments just be silent, and embrace it.

And when someone wants to talk, let them.

Also, recognise when someone doesn’t want to talk. Doesn’t want to hear voices. Just wants quiet. You’ll know because they aren’t talking, or inviting conversation, or even looking at you.

Sometimes, just exist in silence.

“The ability to listen, to deliberately keep out of a conversation and subsist without its validity is rare. Silence is a way to build strength and self-sufficiency.“ - Ryan Holiday.